today... sigh... sometimes i really hope that my sis & dad could live in harmony.. in the past it's still ok... i'm very scared... afraid that my dad & sis will quarrel... my dad will chase my sis out of the house.. or my sis will leave home & never come back.. i love my sis.. i dote her alot.. but both their temper is so bad.. none of them is willing to give way.. everytime when this happens, i will want to cry... i'm useless i know.. but what can i do... i'm afraid i will lose control & interfere... cos i know this wouldn't help.... it'll only make the situation worse... i'm really very vexed when i think of this.. ah... can anyone help me? sometimes i think if i were to choose either one of them, i'll choose my sis of course.. i know that my dad meant to be good but his way of dealing stuffs i really don't know it's good or not.. sometimes he's unreasonable.. he's overprotected... too sensitive.. too unreasonable... too male chavanist.. but who can change him? he cares for us but show it in a wrong way.. we don't like it.. i understand he cares.. but not my sis... she don't understand.. even for me & my mum, she don't know that we really care for her.. we love her.. dote her.. but sometimes she don't understand.. my mum she works very hard to earn lots of money for us.. she save & scramp.. gives us the best.. pay for our bills.. tolerate my noisy aunt & cousin.. do housework & cook for us after work.. she's tired.. & i know she's sick.. but.. i don't know what to do.. she's really worried about my sis.. she hopes that she will learn to be good.. study hard.. get at least a cert.. but.. my sis.. i'm not confirm if she's doing her best or not.. i see her on & off with her homework.. on & off studying for exams.. sigh.. i don't know what to do.. i'm a useless sis.. a useless daughter.. sometimes i really hope to go somewhere peaceful.. with no problems.. no quarrels.. no unhappiness.. sigh.. life sucks!!!!!!!

ah........ finally over... my 3 days of orientation... at first, i was very afraid of what's going to happen.. will i make any new friends... how will my new friends think of me... but then once i made my first step to know the first friend in my class, i have more courage to know the rest... talk to them... though sometimes a bit awkward... but it's still good.. i took initiative to do stuffs... try to be as enthusiastic as i can taking part in the games & activities... in the end, the whole thing was concluded... FUN!!!!!!! my class... first day, everyone quite quiet... but still friendly... the first day we had some ice breaker games, walked around the school.... second day, we played more physical & vigorous games... actually we should go to the adventure park to play but... the rain came... shit... oh man... i really hope i could try those games.. though very physical & needs alot of courage, i still hope to try them & see if i am afraid to attempt them.. challenge myself... but i think i'll never have the chance.. well... i got all my classmates number on the second day.. my class was united.. though still quiet.. but we have great leaders.. leading our class.. bringing our class 'high'!!!!! we cheered... very loudly... i love this kind of spirit.. hee... last day... performances... got the chance to stand at the first row because i'm short.. lolx... our performace is the last one... our first performace is to dance william hung's 'she bang' in a very lame, funny way... & i'm extremaly pai sei... lolx... second is to sing the song we will rock you... we were extremely shocked when there's a group doing doing the william hung's dance... then fine.. becuase we have the we will rock you... them we were having 'heart attack' when there's another group doing 'we will rock you'.. you will be amused if you were there looking at our pale & unbelivable, about to faint face... lolx... i think it's kind of funny to imagine that.. our eyes were damn big... lolx.. very shocked... but we still did our best.. had fun out that.. especially our ending... it's real funny.. one of my classmates name J**k**n needs to come out & say some thank you stuffs as our ending.. but he don't know what to say so he turned to ask & ask us what to say.. he took the mike & down there shout whoohoo... lolx.. shouting & making that noise over & over again.. but he manage to make everyone there, including the audience laugh.. in the end, he manage to think of some thank you stuffs to say.. lucky.. cannot blame him la.. we didn't have any rehearsal for that last part... then that 'whoohoo' thing became our class's slogan for mainly the boys.. lolx.. & i found a guy with a great voice... whao!!!!! really hope that he can be my teacher & teach me how to sing.. he's the mc.. & he sang 'when you said nothing at all'.. everyone there were so quiet enjoying his song... everyone used their hp's light as some kind of torch or light stick.. whao it's really beautiful.. just like it's he's concert... gosh.. if i had a chance to perform on stage with this kind of audiences so supportive, enjoying my music, i don't mind dying... that's my dream too... sigh...

gosh... FIREWORKS!!!!!!!!!! haha lolx... for the past four nights at Yishun... though short but beautiful... sometimes i hope that there are lots of "fireworks" in my life... so that it'll be more sparkling, more exciting, more colourful....... but my life's just simple... haha lolx.. well my aunt is getting worse... every night she will try to put my cousin to sleep & after she sleeps, she'll sneak out of the house & comes back extremely late... but i knew her "plan" won't really work every night.. my cousin will sure to wake up one day & finds out that she's missing... & last night, my cousin really woke up.. though she's only still so young, she's really afraid that her only parent left in the world will desert her.. she always stick with her mum.. it's so touching when you see her always in tears when she don't see her mum even if she's just in the bathroom.. sigh... everytime, my mum will have to lie to her about her mum's whereabouts... & if it's only once a week or month, it's still alright... but this is her daughter... why must she everytime leave the responsibility to others... last night she was scolded by my mum when she wants to go out after putting her daughter to sleep as usual.. then her daughter woke up.. crying... refuse to sleep until her mum comes back... refuse to stay in her own room.. went to my mum's room... ask every now & then where's her mum... why did she go out for... very sleepy but still refuse to sleep... sometime will doze off at my mum's bed.. then at around one plus, my mum decided to go down to look for her mum... my cousin cried & told my mum if she leaves, who'll take care of her... i can see that she's very afraid... very scared that people will desert her.. my mum has no choice but to bring her along down too... but with no avail.. they couldn't find her at the place she said she'll be... at around 2 plus, she came back.. my mum reprimanded her... she went to sing karaoke instead... what the f**!!!!!! let my mum wait till so late!!!!!! & she's not sorry at all... actually when they first came, i didn't care so much about them.. i don't really know they had all those "bad habits" which are so unbearable.. even after my sis starts to complain, i just don't feel anything.. i don't think they are so nuisance.. i'm just living in my own world.. i don't care about them.. until my mum starts to complain about them to me, then i started to notice, start to dislike them... sometimes i wonder... if my mum haven't complain to me at that time, will it be better? my life will not be so miserable now.. i won't always don't feel like coming home.. but i knew i shouldn't be so selfish.. let my mum bear this alone.. i feel so heartbroken seeing my mum so tired... if someone can tell me what i can do to help, i'll be damn grateful.. though my aunt & cousin should be sympatised, i think that my mum has no responsibility to do all this shit for them.. we lend them a helping hand but got ourselevs into this kind of shit... it's really bullshit!!!!!!

yesterday i had a great time with my motorola friends... though not everyone could make it, but it's still memorable.. as it's been such a long time ever since we last gather together... chai ching, huijun, filzah, mingen, yuen men, xin yi were there... we met xinyi actually.. what a coincidence right? too bad puay leng couldn't come... we had lunch at bk... chit chat about stuffs... it's fun... really hope that there will be this kind of small gathering more in the future.. & at that time everyone will be present.. but i know it's difficult.. but i'll try.. hee...

Whao during this month, i watch two great shows.... "The Day After Tomorrow" & "Harry Potter & the prisoner of azkavan"....the first one is about the world going back to the ice age... this show is excellent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! especially the effects all this... look so real... everyone's eyes were open wide & mouths couldn't shut... it's really spectacular... the other movie harry potter... not bad too... quite funny... though not as good as the first two... the socerous stone & the secrets of chambers... but i think it's still nice.. there are a few more shows coming & i think they should be nice... "around the world in 80 days", "ella enchanted" & another one i couldn't remember it's title... well but my holidays are going to end soon... next week i'll need to attend my orientations for three whole days.... gosh... hope that it'll not be a boring or unhappy one... well i'll be all alone in the course again... shit... don't know how will it be like... & maybe i'm wrong with my feelings again.. i really don't know if i'm in love with him..

Sentosa trip.... Excellent! though only 5 of my primary classmates could make it & it ended earlier, it's still fun... & i also found out that everyone's getting lamer & crappier.. i also get to know them better in terms of their character... see the side which i never thought they would ever be... complicated? not to me... haha... we went to the siloso beach, many people were there, the sun was scorching hot... the guys decide to sun tan first... & my cousin, sis & I decide to cycle first... janice & shumeng went to stroll along the beach.. after cycling, j.z & I went to find the guys.. they were soaking themselves in the sea water.. i was extremely hot & i went into the water until it reach my knees.. don started to splash water at me & w.m.. at first i thought that he wants to splash at w.m then accidentally splash at me.. but actually he's splashing at me though he emphasize that he isn't.. actually i don't want to wet my entire body but while trying to dodge him, i fell into the water... sigh... haha.. lolx.. but the water was great..actually i've longed to go into the waters it's just that i didn't bring towel & stuffs.. hee.. actually i should thank him... haha lolx... after that, we went back to the shores & play games specially designed by w.m... though some were a little lame but it's all fun.. & it's really nice of him to take time to do this stuffs.. after that we had lunch & started to chat a bit.. don,j.z & w.m left early... my cousin, sis & I decided to go to suntec's k box.. we sang wholeheartedly... it's great... i love singing!!!!! though the bill was high.. haha lolx.. then we went to esplanade to take photos.. & my sis & I send my cousin home & we reach home at around 11.30pm... whao... i woke up at 6am & slept at around 12am.. haha lolx... i was exhausted man.. throughout the whole gathering, all my friends were great to me.. they knew my leg's just been through the operation & cannot do vigorous stuff... thay took great care & special attention to me... thanks pals... you guys were great.. they help me carry stuffs, plan special games, worry about me.. i'm so touched.. last but not least, i think that i'm falling for someone...

Ah!!!!!!!!!!!! I am very tired... & very pissed off... I really can't stand it.. so is my family... it's really tiring if this happens daily... especially when we sleep late everyday & got to wake up as early as 7 plus because of the noise(shouting, screaming, talking, scolding, crying.............) by my cousin... & my aunt joins in too... you know.. i've been enduring this since last year... i'm the last to get irritated by them.. & whenever they are around, there will be non-stop 'noise pollution'... well.. though they should be sympatised, but it's really.... i get really tensed up & hot tempered lately.. especially when i hear their voices... my heart will start to beat real fast & it's very.... sigh... i'm really sleepy and tired..

ok... this is my first entry... hope i won't forget my username or password again... i'm a very blur person... i've already sign up quite a number of blogs but i always either forget my username or my password... so hope that i won't do that again... em.. i've changed alot... and i really hate the person i am right now.. ever since my aunt & cousin moved in, life in my house has changed extremely.. well.. i'm off to my tv now.. update the details later...